Emancipated feminist icon or demoness? Site of original sin or the representation of a woman unbound? Blood-sucking vampire or harbinger of equality? As a sex and relationship coach, as well as shamanic practitioner, I chose Lilith as the guiding image of my practice as she is a controversial figure who embodies the paradoxes that are at the heart of many women’s lives. Are we to be Madonnas or whores? Are we to be domesticated or should we embrace some of our feral qualities? In truth, any story we have been told about Lilith, or ourselves, is a story and we are able to remake that narrative for ourselves. Indeed, “Lilith’s transformation into a predatory night demon was an attempt by men to systematically malign female sexuality, fertility, and the sacrality of womanhood” (Clay, 2024, 23). Associations with Lilith as a maligned figure are not unlike the same stories that consistently seek to dampen the incredible power and capacity of women and sex. I gravitate to figures like Lilith because narratives of her demonstrate a “resistance to the tyranny of patriarchal violence” (Clay, 2024, 20). My primary focus and purpose is to embolden women (and also men and couples) to take a look at the narratives all around them and re-write their own stories, goals, and futures based on intrinsic and authentic narratives from within, not based on reflections found within wider culture and patriarchal mandates. I want to be a part of creating resisting narratives for every client that register from an intrinsic, deep place of knowing: not what you have been told.
Simon Clay (2024) notes that “Men demonized Lilith because she represented the power of female sexuality and the threat this posed to men’s dominant status in society” (23). Stories of Lilith have been traced back to at least the 7thcentury BCE (Shapiro 2019) and demonstrate, across time, that Lilith is not only a complicated and paradoxical figure, but also someone about whom stories are told, not unlike women of today, but also what is observable about sex and pleasure more generally. Our modern conception of sex and pleasure are predicated on penetrative, phallocentric, and procreative ideals that privilege performance and outcomes/goals over pleasure, connection, and intimacy. I am passionate about women, empowerment, emancipation, and pleasure and my goal is to work with clients to heal the wounds of a patriarchal society (that are so old it lives in our DNA) and collaborate to generate new possibilities for a future where women, men, and couples are empowered, grounded, and agentive. Our bodies are fascinatingly sacred, expansive, and powerful: we just need permission and time to tap into the well of energy within each of us and push back against the tyranny of gendered narratives. Audre Lorde, in “Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power,” discusses how “The erotic is a resource within each of us that lies in a deeply female and spiritual plane, firmly rooted in the power of our unexpressed and unrecognized feeling.” Indeed, for Lorde, the erotic is a deeply rooted sensation, “the nurturer or nursemaid of all our deepest knowledge.” I am grateful to be on the journey with you as you tap into your own resources and begin sensing this rooted power that is knowledge, unexpressed feeling (until now), and possible transcendence.
I chose the image of the hearth as I want to invite you, or you and your partner (s), to come and sit in a space that feels warm, welcoming, and permissive. The hearth is home, it is inviting, and it is a place where stories are told and plans are laid. It is a space where food is made and our bodies are nourished. It is aligned with connection and family and even the heartbeat of the household and my practice is predicated on the idea that sex, intimacy, and a grounded sense of being are each salient to lasting connection, safety, and the ability to thrive. The hearth is about bringing people together, about facilitating connection, stability, and relationships. Though Lilith is primarily associated with women, and my practice is focused on honoring the Divine Feminine within, change does not happen by focusing only on one facet of society and spirituality teaches us that the masculine and the feminine are within each of us. These are not gendered categories, necessarily, but ways of being that we can harness and use. Lilith’s Hearth is, thus, a marriage between and among recognizing the sacred feminine, reshaping stories, and actively working to imbue relationships with a powerful sense of reciprocity, honor, pleasure, and the sacred. Come work with me to imagine something different for yourself, your partner, and your life. Let’s work together and weave a new story for you.
Though I bring with me a wealth of research regarding sex and sexuality across histories and cultures, I have also personally experienced what it is like to be neglected in sexual and intimate relationships and have been made to feel shame around my sexual appetites and body. That said, I have also experienced the immense and expansive possibilities of sacred sexuality and have cultivated a life with my partner that is deeply healing and transformative. My intent is to work alongside of clients to get them in touch with their truth within, their unbound pleasures that come from a place deeply within them and which are not shaped by the narratives that surround them. Lilith’s Hearth is about working with women, men, and couples who are interested in turning attentions toward a pleasure-based, embodied approach to sex and welcoming the sacred into their bedrooms. Lilith’s Hearth is a call to “unbuild the world you inhabit, unmake its relentless commitment to the same, ignore the calls for more, and agree to be with the wild, accept the wild, give yourself to the wild, and float or drown in its embrace” (Halberstam, 2020). If you have been looking for an opportunity to unmake your current experience, and remake it as you desire, please reach out so that we may begin!